Saturday 3 October 2009

DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES.................................... Over the years, bridge players have come to me with all sorts of rare and unusual disorders, and many of them are variations of the tourette's syndrome. This particular one has always fascinated me and my colleagues, because those afflicted with THE BLUE-BLUE SYNDROME can not stop themselves making utterances that are either (i) blue in nature ...or in less extreme cases (ii) constantly refering to the colour blue. This syndrome is most unusual in that both players within a partnership are affected simultaneously.....but in completely different ways. The stronger player, once blighted with this disorder, soon develops a tendency to devise and create bids ( during an auction ) which he foolishly expects his partner to interpret and understand. But, sadly for him, the syndrome causes the weaker partner to develop a tendency whereby he becomes befuddled, confused, and even blinded by these bizarre and novel bids. Inevitably, he arrives at all the wrong conclusions about their intended meanings. So whilst he is muttering to himself " What in the blue blazes is that bid all about ? " , his opposite number is also muttering under his breath " What the blue blazes is his problem.....my bid can only have one meaning......which even an idiot could figure out ! " And so these utterences will continue all through the session as the syndrome takes a stronger hold. All too often, the syndrome begins to exacerbate the stronger player's dislike for straight-forward bidding, leading him into the realms of free improvised, creative, inspired ..almost fantasy bids. However, sitting opposite, we see a player developing a much higher incidence of error-prone behaviour. Naturally, the stronger player now feels compelled to start leveraging on his bidding superiority, which is in sharp contrast to the ever growing inferiority complex developing in his partner. Arguments between them become far more frequent as the syndrome enters its third phase. The last and final phase is observed when board results really start to plummet downwards. Now, even more creative bids are made in a vain attempt to bring about a change in fortune. As the syndrome descends into a fully blown vicious circle, their exchange of views intensifies into screaming blue murder at each other.....before moving onto the rapid non-stop barrage of unrepeatable blue expletives.

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