ANOTHER NERVOUS BREAKDOWN........... ( A sad song adapted by Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber........ from the lyrics of The Rolling Stones' classic number 19th Nervous Breakdown )

You're the kind of person

Who attends local bridge affairs

A sad and lonely loser

Seen crying on the stairs

Well, the sad fact is

You've never won in years

And though you try to hide the pain

Your eyes are edged with tears

So it's best you give up playing

If you know what's about to happen

Yes...here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes

Yet another nervous breakdown

When you were a mere beginner

You were in fact treated kind

But nothing you learned ever registered

Such was your hopeless mind

And though you tried to play the game

No partners ever stayed the same

No one could stand your lack of skill

And those who did were ready to kill

So for pity's sake stop.....and look around

For here it comes again...... yes another nervous breakdown

But I sense it's not you who should take the blame

You look like a man condemned by a curse

Nothing you did ever improved your game

The changes you tried your results got worse

'Cus I remember you in bridge school

Clueless and useless.....a total fool

You clearly had a messed up mind

But the teachers there treated you kind

And around that time I came along

To try and sort out your brain

But I never made any progress

You were driving me insane

So why torture yourself and others

You're destined to be a bridge clown

And with another score well below par

Here it comes ....here it comes.....here it comes

Your umpteenth nervous breakdown