Thursday, 31 March 2011
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Sunday, 27 March 2011
So unless a massive culture change takes place over the next few years, I'm afraid that rare breed of gentlemen bridge players will become extinct, to join the ranks of so many other disappearing species on this polluted planet of ours. Bridge will always be a beautiful game........ so please, let's have beautiful people playing it.
Friday, 25 March 2011
- Getting Across To Partner Your Displeasure And Disapproval........by Hugh Grunt is a hard hitting book that expertly explores the body language used by players in established partnerships. The author quotes hundreds of examples where players pick up a sense of what suit " not to continue " , by the subtle and not so subtle, gestures and facial expressions of their agitated partners.
- That Silverware Belongs To Me.......by Andy Tover is a shocking and disturbing account of how a player was cheated out of trophy by their nearest challengers. They were a pair renown for their wealth and extremely unethical antics, who had somehow bamboozled an appeals committee into adjusting two scores their way, converting complete bottoms into galactic tops. This enabled them to sneak into first place. The author goes on to explain how these cheating dogs had used their sphere of influence over their long standing buddies on the appeals committee, and how bulging brown paper envelopes still had a huge role to play in the process.
- I Know How The ACBL Can Make Bridge Popular Again.....by Aida Nadir offers a radical approach to the way bridge can be promoted and advertised as the most exciting game on earth. This requires the ACBL to fund a batch of action packed movies, all with big name celebrity film stars, where the setting is a world full of intrigue, murder and mayhem. A world of bridge in fact. By propelling bridge into this new "exciting " realm , many film goers might well try out their local bridge club, simply to experience the thrills of avoiding flying bridgemates, along with all the other flak that ensues from fierce encounters between warring players.
- Why Some Men Only Partner Women.....by Homer Fobick is a reactionary book against the rising popularity of gay and lesbian bridge clubs. The author, renown for his bigotry and strict religious beliefs, is very opposed to same gender partnerships, desperate to see bridge return to the good old days of husband and wife partnerships. Always suspicious of ulterior motives when men play together, he makes it a habit of reporting to TDs and committees alike, every single incident when an all male pair wander off to the toilet ( one behind the other ).
- Trick : what Bigot-Johnson likes to play on his arch -rival, Percy Pantopod
- Red : the colour a player sees when falling victim to a trick
- Huddle : a small tight circle which overly smug, celebrating bastards get themselves into, in order to draw the attention to themselves regarding their fortuitous win
- Drive out : the main objective of any committee hell bent of ridding the club of its troublesome members
- Etiquette : a completely out-dated and out-moded code of conduct, readily forgotten and abandoned by modern day, win-at-all-costs, players
- Average : the skill level of 98% of all bridge players
- Leap : a punt of a bid which average bridge players tend to take ( in the dark ), being unable to bid games or slams in an expert or scientific way
- Vacant space : what neuro-scientists have discovered inside the heads of most average players
Thursday, 24 March 2011
- If Lady Luck Decides To Turn Her Back On You.....Gwnn Ann Bearitt
- Duplicate Bridge Always Offers A Cheap Night Out.... .Penny Pincher
- Why Bother Climbing The Walls Over A Few Bad Boards......Ivy Plant
- If At First You Don't Succeed, Try Try Again................Getty Trite
- In Defeat, It's Best To Apportion Blame............Cher Ann Sharalike
- Read Bigot-Johnson's Blogs If You Like Crudity.......Ray C. Foreshaw
- Listen Partner, Nothing Good Comes From Arguing......Xavier Breth
- If You Want To Win, Give Your Useless Partner The Boot.....Eve Hoe
- Why Not Turn Bridge Into A Full Time Job....................Ernie Levin
- If Your Partner's Crap, Then Tell Him The Truth.......Ruth Lesley Blunt
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Do you take the first trick with the Ace and go for an early diamond finesse, knowing that if it loses the contract is one off ?
Do you play the AK of diamonds hoping to see the queen fall, but still needing to see a 3-2 break if it doesn't ? Because then, if you take a successful spade finesse on the second round of the suit, you can pitch your losing heart on the third round of spades, quite content for any defender holding the outstanding diamond queen to ruff in.
As above but instead of taking the spade finesse, do you play the AK of spades from the top ? Either the queen falls, or it can be ruffed out on the play of a low spade from dummy if the suit breaks 3-3. Now dummy can be entered with the Ace of clubs for the heart discard on the established jack of spades.
Or, if the opponents are known to be playing honest distributional signals, do you try your luck on clubs ? Lay down the king of clubs, and if an honour appears on your right and your LHO shows an odd number, complete the dropping of the RHO's doubleton QJ ( but only after cashing AK of diamonds before doing so ). If your LHO produces an honour with your RHO opponent showing an odd number, then it doesn't cost at all to lead up to the Ace of clubs in dummy after cashing AK of diamonds first. However if defenders indicate a 4-3 split in the club suit, it now requires declarer to revert back to a spade or diamond finesse.
Perhaps there are other possible lines, some of which include other variations to " combine " options, thereby increasing declarer's overall percentage chance of success. Who knows. Nevertheless, this is a very instructive hand requiring declarers to evaluate their options seriously, because nothing is worse than going off in a slam which can make on a more obvious but superior line.
Saturday, 19 March 2011
This means adopting a particular philosophy on bridge, which will help you develop the right frame of mind for all bridge occasions. And so for all you who desperately need help in this department, here are a few pearls of wisdom you should never ignore .......especially if you want to become a better player :
Never test the depth of the shark invested waters with both feet
Remember, you're always capable of becoming an average player, just like everyone else
Never let any player turn you into a roll of carpet, unless you want him/her to walk all over you
If you're never likely to succeed, redefine success
Never miss a good chance to silence your opponents
Good judgement comes after a bad experience
If you want to look big at the bridge table, put a cushion on the seat
You often need to sit down for a minute to know where you stand
Treat every next hand as the one you might get right
Be proud of your mediocrity
Open your mind before opening your mouth
When you don't know what to do, at least do it with style and grace
It is easier to apologise than to ask someone where you went wrong
Thinking you may be wrong once will always be your biggest mistake
When you're in it up your ears, keep your mouth shut
If you can't outbid your opponents, then try to confuse them
If you were born to fail, be glad you took up bridge......and not sky diving
Going one trick down is better than two
Bad experiences usually come from bad judgement
Friday, 18 March 2011
- Sorry Partner, I Keep Noddin' Off...............Arthur Sleep
- I Always Feel Gutted When I Lose...............Chris Fallen
- Making Slams On Tram Tickets....................Ray Lee Dunne
- Looking Out For Glory................................Nick R. Bocker
- Beating Slams On Very Little.......................Justin Nuff
- Look Who I've Got Playing For Us................Ivor Ringer
- Let's Get This Bridge Circus On The Road.....Laurie Driver
- Partner, We're Still On The Top Table.......... Candice B. Appening
- As Bridge Mentors Go, I'm The Best.............Guy Denlight
- Partner, I Need To Be Treated Gently ..........Pam Purmie
- I'm The Lynch Pin Of The Team....................Ann Carman
- Fascists Have Taken Over My Club...............Jack Boot
Thursday, 17 March 2011
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Monday, 14 March 2011
Saturday, 12 March 2011
- Bid Boldly And Take Those Risks....by Gay A. Bandon is a wonderful and inspiring book which demonstrates how aggressive bidding and opening leads can be a winning formulae. Gay's message is crystal clear : a faint heart never wins diddly squat.
- Hands That Got Me So Excited.....by Dick Swelling is a bulging collection of stunning, unusual and wildly distributional hands, chosen by kibitzers as ones which caused them to rise up out of their seats, and give the starring players huge standing ovations
- How Can You Pass A Hand Like That ! .......by Freda Bidding exposes the folly of exercising too much caution and restraint. Lurking for Freda is a complete no-no. Her advice to any aspiring bridge player is to get into the bidding early doors, and then get out of it very quickly if the hands are weak. Failing to bid often adds up to lost opportunities to either steal the contract or find a killing defence.
- How I Was Dishonourably Discharged As A Committee Member........by C. Mann is a frank and hard hitting account of what went on behind the scenes at the Slaughter House BC, where the author found himself the victim of false malicious accusations of gross misconduct. These included trumped-up allegations of betrayal, breach of confidentiality, double-dealing and out-and-out treachery. The book reveals all the back-stabbing antics and shenanigans of a committee out of control, with Bigot-Johnson, the self-appointed chairman, as the evil puppet master.
Friday, 11 March 2011
Thursday, 10 March 2011
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
Who would have thought it, but Johnny, God love him , succumbed to Bigot's request to give his amazing new bidding system a trial run. And to Johnny's great surprise it didn't let him down. He concluded that its tactical aspects " did have some merit " , and the system was certainly capable of generating some excellent results. Bigot of course could not believe what he was hearing !
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
Sunday, 6 March 2011
Friday, 4 March 2011
- Pick up : a term which originates from the gay bridge clubs in Amsterdam, where members spend most of time seeking out and capturing unattached queens
- Deviation : a psych(e) that has not cut its teeth. An habitual psycher's nearest approach to an honest bid
- Psych(e) : a vicious and ferocious lie designed to inflict maximum damage on unsuspecting opponents
- Serial psycher : a prolific liar who erroneously believes he is entitled to a roving commission to bid what he likes
- Holding : an account where money bequeathed to bridge organisations sits indefinitely, never to be spent on the items specified in the will. Money seemingly left in a permanent state of unspent limbo.
- Chairman : the leading figure in any club, who is usually elected on the backs of the apathetic majority and the active gerrymandering tactics of the minority
- Pull : Either (i) a procedure used by flash players of the male sex to get talented unmarried women to become their partners, or (ii) something that most frustrated players do to their face or their hair, when despairing of their inept partners
- Support double : a useful gadget and item of clothing , immensely popular with lady players of great stature
- HUM : a noise which many players, prone to using highly unusual methods , start to make when trying to convey hand information across to their partners
- Ignore criticisms that your hesitations are a forming of cheating : consider them more as " creative problem solving "
- Be obscure clearly
- Never look on opponents as good or bad : either they are tolerable or intolerable
- A facile solution will never solve a complex bridge problem
- Naff first bids are the root of all bridge disasters
- Nothing in bridge is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool
- Good players use the facts they have gleaned with imagination, whereas jackasses simply choose to imagine the facts
- Never worry if there are no kibitzers at your table : for it is known fact that the number of kibitzers watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions
- Opportunities in bridge always look bigger going than coming
- Astonishment is what pleasure at the bridge table is all about
- Most convoluted bidding systems are nonsense, but some are a greater nonsense than others
- In bridge 2+2 = 5 is not without its attractions
- Many difficult declarer play problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers
- It is a heinous crime to lie when you bid, but there may be many occasions when it is necessary not to tell the truth
- Rubbish partners should do the right and decent thing : ask " to be taken out and shot "
- It pays to keep a shotgun in the boot of your car