Thursday 7 July 2011

A NEARLY TRUE STORY ............... By Bridgemeister Gibson
As usual Bigot was up to his old tricks again. While driving along a country lane he noticed Percy Pantopod, a good 5o yards ahead of him, walking his beloved poodle . Accelerating at full speed, he then accidently ran over the dog and clipped poor Percy in the process. This sent him spiralling into a ditch with injuries to both his ribs and collar bone.
Not surprisingly Percy decided to take Bigot to court, claiming substantial damages for his injuries resulting from the gross negligence of the maniacal driver. However, being a rather astute bridge player, Bigot knew the importance of seeking out information, and using it to his full advantage.
So he asked his solicitors, Shyster, Shyster and Flywheel, for some background information about the judge assigned to the case. He was desperate to know if it was worth his while to send the judge a bottle of whiskey.
" No chance " said Shyster, " Once this teetotalling, highly principled judge gets to know who sent it, that person has blotted his copy book big time...........not to mention trying to pervert the course of justice ".
" What ....." snapped Bigot, " there's no bloody way I can bribe him ?...........that's terrible ! "
However, a month later when the trial was over Bigot was approached by Shyster, who was stunned to the core over this reprobate's amazing courtroom triumph. " In God's name...how did you do it ? By my reckoning, the plaintiff looked certain to win. "
Bigot could not refrain himself from being deplorably obnoxious, smug and smarmy, as he wallowed in the glory of his genius. " I knew I'd win, I sent that bigwig bugger 12 bottles of Scotch ".
" You did what " gasped Shyster.
" Yes.....I sent the judge a case full of the stuff with a little card inside ........with Percy's name of course printed clearly on it ! "

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