BRIDGE ADDICTION : BIGOT-JOHNSON CONFESSES
( A snippet from a rare 1983 interview with Bigot, when he first established himself as a player with ability and attitude.)
Interviewer : So when did bridge become a major part of your life ?
B-J : Oh...that was when I started a job as a shelf-stacker at my local warehouse. Three years into the job, I remember going to the washroom .......as you do.......trying to make sense of a book about the birds and the bees........and of course struggling to master the art of self-indulgence .....when my supervisor said " Hey...you limp dick.....you should be getting back to work.......and let me guess....... you don't know anything about sex ? "
Well, I had to admit I knew nothing. Naturally, he was shocked.....but nothing like I was when he admitted complete ignorance about the subject as well. Apparently, his older brother knew everything about sex being an able seaman on the HMS Grafter. Unfortunately, this knowledge died with him, when he went down with the ship's crew during the Falklands conflict, seconds after being scuppered in the stern by a rather large torpedo
Interviewer : And for both of you......fully grown ....red-blooded adult men...... to be that ignorant, naive and innocent ........is truly astounding
B-J : Mind you......I suppose if had got going with sex .......putting time and effort into heavy, intense physical relationships.....I would never have got so passionately involved with bridge
Interviewer : So bridge then became your substitute for sex......
B-J : Indeed, it has.....and why not....because let me tell you that bridge is a sport which involves a helluva lot of shafting.... including your partner. ......but the real appeal of the game is that you don't have to exert any physical energy whatsoever....or carry tissues on your person
Interviewer : Well...I can't argue with that.....
SBU Trial results
1 day ago
2 comments:
Well, the Interviewer should have delved more.
Bigot's theory about about the lack of any need for wads of absorbent material is blown out of the water by our local Lothario. His conquests are innumerable and legendary, in his own mind anyway. He rushes about the Club, looking for his next poke, and the ladies used to think that he was pleased to see them and loved him to bits for it, at least until it dawned on them that he wore a nappy at all times to contain the results of his priapic incontinence.
There is also Muckle Mickey with the dripping nose and other appendage.
He likes to go away on bridge holidays - mainly for the laydees, whom he pesters until one gives in to shut him up. He believes that love is like bridge, a game of playing the percentages. Once he booked a double room without the authority of the laydee in question - 0%, as she promptly threw him out.
Post a Comment