THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED.......

• Result :  fixing up a weekend congress with the fittest lady in the club
• Good result : a fruitful weekend congress when everything went to plan
• Bad result : confined to separate bedrooms
• Post mortem discussion : after match conversations destined to point the finger of blame elsewhere 
• Deliberation : the process of examining one's options when bidding or playing the cards , which conveniently enables partner to determine significant features about your hand  
• Delayed raise : an unfortunate state of affairs corrected only by a bigger dose of viagra
• Cock up : ( a ) regular occurrence when non-expert players attempt to make difficult contracts ( b )  when things go to plan at a weekend congress 
• Bar room talk : a common practice in which to commit character assassinations without thought or temptation , based on subconscious impulses born out of prejudice and deep loathing 
• Rabbit : an inept player blessed with the kind of ignorance associated with too much in-breeding
• Club chairman :  an appointed officer with a roving commission to lie