BRIDGE CLUB DISCIPLINARY SUB-COMMITTEE MEETING No.47............................. It had been observed that a certain bridge club member had perpetrated the infamous Alcatraz Coup upon another member, who was renown for his unethical hesitations. These were solely designed to misguide declarers into thinking they possessed an honour card when the opposite was true. Bigot-Johnson was the man in the dock, adamantly believing he had a right to do exactly what he did. An extract from the hearing's transcript can be seen below:

• B-J: " You've got the wrong man...you should be after that other cheating dog.....why pick on me?"
• Com: " Correct us if we are wrong, but are these the facts of the case. You were in 6S with one certain loser in clubs. To make this contract you needed to find the diamond queen with A987 in dummy opposite your KJ106. Aware of your LHO's track record for questionable hesitations, you volunteered the jack of spades towards dummy's K876 like a man who was missing the queen. This cunning and careful play seduced your LHO to get up to his old tricks. With the bait set....he responded in his usual way.....fumbling the cards as though he held the queen. And so you, sitting with this card all the time, now had a read on his "tell". So after pulling trumps, you then ran the jack of diamonds, and surreptitiously observed his behaviour. Not surprisingly on this occasions, your LHO..... who did indeed hold the queen.....smoothly played a low card in tempo. Accordingly, you took the finesse which worked, clearly based on your LHO's new demeanor....being of course the inverted tell. With the slam duly making, you then decided to pour salt into his wounds by going on on about your wonderful intuition and table presence."
• B-J: " Yes, those are the facts.......but surely, I cannot be crimed for exposing an unethical behaviour at the bridge table.....and for just having acute observational skills? "
• Com: " His unethical behaviour provides no excuse for yours. You set out to trap a victim into revealing a tell, and that in itself is another example of unethical behaviour. It is the equivalent of leaving money around in order to tempt someone into committing theft. Two wrongs do not make a right....and you Bigot-Johnson were the instigator and perpetrator of this whole shameful incident. The proper procedure for you was to call the TD regarding your opponent's attempted deceit.....not to exploit it. The Alcatraz Coup has no place whatsoever within this bridge club. And because of your appalling disciplinary record we have decided to suspend you for a period of 2 weeks. Anything you wish to say other than...bugger ?"
• B-J: "I guess not...............other than bollocks."