THE WORLD'S SHORTIST LISTS .....................................By Carp

( Applicable to any bridge club up and down the country )

• Members who do not suffer from rather disturbing psychological disorders
• Slow players who after repeated warnings have since moved up a gear
• Members under the age of 40
• Tournament Directors who have left a table with everyone happy
• Long standing members who with genuine modesty still see themselves as non-experts
• New members (2008-9)
• Members who regularly turn up to AGMs
• Memnbers who actually turned up to the last AGM
• Top players willing to play with ( and help bring on ) relative newcomers to the game
• Members who don't begrudge a 50p increase in table money
• Members who first acknowledge their mistakes before laying blame on partner
• Players whose goodwill ( and generous spirit ) matches their competitive zeal
• Members who are prepared to come out of self denial and acknowledge their psychological disorders
• Members who don't keep lists....... regarding other members' misdemeanours
• Players who as self-appointed experts actually practice what they preach
• Bridge bullies who have been properly brought to account and reprimanded
• Female members who have broken into the club's male-dominated elite of top team players