WILL THESE TABLE ANTICS EVER STOP........( Article by Dr.Sigmund T. Schukelgruber )

• There are some bridge players that really push my patience to the limit with their highly unethical bridge table antics. Nothing causes me as much grief as " the double " card. Yes, we all know that in the early bidding, doubles are presumed to mean one thing....... but if it is the other then they must be alerted. Simple isn't it ?.... But only if you know what the presumptions are in each particular bidding scenario. However, when the bidding reaches game level, doubles are usually for business, but there again there will be some rare exceptions. Many honest partnerships often reach a stage in the bidding, when a double by one leaves the other a little unsure as to its purpose. This uncertainty and confusion inevitably gives rise to poor (or rank bad ) judgements ....... and quite a few wretched scores. Yet there are others out there, who are quite prepared to use all sorts of table antics to get across to partner what their doubles really mean.
• First off, we have the speed indicators. Doubles played quickly carry one message, doubles played in tempo carry another, and the slow double, of course , which offers a very valuable third option. Years ago, I once came across a couple who used a speed indicator with their doubles very effectively, in the context of a take-out bid over an opponent's opening suit at the one level . The speed indicator flagged up precisely how many HCP were held by the doubler, by the number of seconds that elapsed between the two bids. A very slow double meant a really big hand, where an eight-second pause meant an incredibly light take-out double indeed. Next we come onto those weighted doubles, which according the the degree of force they hit the table they are either " never-in-a-million-years pull this double partner ", as opposed to the lighter,softer " we need to take some action but what ? " Add to this a whole repetoire of body language, facial expressions and other visual tells, and we now have a few partnerships, who have no problem whatsoever about informing partners of the their doubling intent.
• So what can be done to address such problems as: doubles where partners remain oblivious to the alerting rules or just plain forgetful, doubles which are misunderstood all around the table, doubles which carry with them bucket loads of unauthorised information, and lastly, those throw-your-hands-up-in-the-air doubles which are either based on frustration or reckless speculation ? Well yes, I reckon the bridge authorities need to introduce the concept of 4 different types of double cards ( and perhaps re-double cards for that matter ) : one which is strictly for take-out, the other for penalties, a third which says " if defending, lead this suit ( I've whacked ) because I either possess good honours cards in it... or a shortage ", and finally, one which says " I simply have a problem, but I need you to work out what it is, and what action therefore you need to take ". Life at the bridge table would be far less stressful.......if this idea of mine were to be adopted.