BRIDGE PLAYERS ALL AT SEA... ( Article by Bridgemeister Gibson ) Victor Mollo may well have lampooned bridge players as animals, but he would have had more more fun depicting them as fish. For whenever I enter my local bridge club, it is almost as though I've dived into an exotic aquarium surrounded by weird and wonderful fish. Indeed, each species displays a particular quirk or behavioural trait , we have all come to recognise so well. So let's look at some of these fishy characters, some expertly schooled in bridge, which we so often encounter at tournament events.

• Eel - one who can wriggle out of a doubled contract relatively unscathed
• Carp - constant moaner
• Minnow - fodder for the big fish
• Monk fish - players who get a real face on if they lose
• Barbel - female member who spends more time at the bar than at the table
• Red Mullet - one whose face goes a deep red after making a disastrous mistake
• Grey Mullet - an inconspicuous and unemotional player whose attendance at the club usually goes unnoticed
• Goblin shark - predatory type with a voracious appetite for the little minnows
• Tiger shark - renown for very bold and aggressive bidding
• Flatfish - players who rarely get tops or bottoms - always situated in the middle
• Tench - nervous sort
• Duckbill - players who can always get out of paying their dues
• Perch - one with a tendency to look down on others from a lofty position
• Swordfish - renown for using "s" words to insult clueless partners, such as "stupid, scatter-brained, screw-loose"
• Kipper - dozy sort having a tendency to nod off and lose concentration
• Catfish - someone who occupies the bottom position for long periods of time
• Brill - name given to players who are exceptionally gifted
• Snapper - player who is quick tempered, flaring up at the slightest provocation
• Whale - powerful player prone to occasional blow-outs
• Humpback whale - their blow-outs leave them moody, mardy and miserable for hours to come