THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR BRIDGE PLAYERS SAY......( Article by Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber )

• No gossip please.....I'm not interested in tittle-tattle
• Free coffee ?.......No thanks
• Great.....even more rules on alerting
• I'm not qualified to give an opinion
• You didn't mean to play that card....that's ok....pick it up and play another
• That TD decision provided equity all round
• I can always rely on my partner to do the right thing
• No matter what direction we sit, cards always go our way
• I forgive you partner
• Take as much time as you want over what to do next
• I'll take responsibility for that bad board
• Everyone here is committed to creating a friendly atmoshere
• I don't mind if things go wrong....it's only a game
• It's pleasing to see members retaining their dress sense
• I have no complaints whatsoever
• Put your money away....I'm happy to buy another round
• I'm standing for committee, because I care about the future of this club
• I have to confess that I've overheard comments about the boards we are about to play
• It doesn't matter if we win or lose....what matters is the joy of participating
• I don't mind the noisy chatter....it's makes the place vibrant, and exciting