AS AGEING BRIDGE PLAYERS................. YOU KNOW YOU ARE OVER THE HILL WHEN........................( 3rd article in the series by Pun )

• You need your partner to help you cross your legs
• You re-open the bidding by repeating your first bid
• Players comment about the "squeaky" chairs, but the source of the noise problem are your knee joints
• Told to sit east, you ask the bar steward for a compass
• You begin to wonder if at any time you were ever on the top the hill
• Seats you vacate as a moving player are slightly damper than they were before
• Your regular partner buys you a portable abacus for Christmas
• The club's newsletter is considered as an enjoyable read
• You know all the warning signs of a heart attack
• You prefer all your partners to have names beginning with "Dr"
• You insist that all partners have a relevant up-to-date first aid certificates
• Looking down at the cards involves no movement of the head
• New partners often ask you what colour your hair used to be
• Holding your cards "in" is easier than your stomach
• Your short-term memory loss allows you to leave the club with a clear conscience