FASTASY BRIDGE................................................................ ( By Pun ) The National Pairs final had arrived, and with seven boards to go there were only two pairs in contention, such was their lead over the rest of the field. Santa Claus and Humpty Dumpty were marginally infront of Old Nick himself and his sea-rated partner, Long John Silver. Indeed, Old Nick viewed his partner's bidding to be far too predictable and wooden, and certainly not a patch on his. Santa was feeling incredibly tired and was ready to hit the sack. Humpty Dumpty was doing his best to keep him awake, egging him on at every opportunity. After two flattish boards, the next really generated a swing. Santa, who was sitting North, had picked up a rock crusher. Not surprisingly,the two-notrumps card thudded down on the table. Humpty immediately jumped to 4C ( Gerber ), only for Long John Silver to stick in a double. Santa re-doubled putting Humpty on the spot. But he was not ready to crack just yet.....and taking the re-double to show clubs, he elected to pass. Just as well, as 4C came rolling in plus one, despite Long John having KQJ432 in the suit. The king of clubs opening lead was taken by dummy's Ace, and Humpty then played off seven side-suit winners with everyone following. At trick nine a heart from dummy was ruffed by Humpty's remaining 7 of clubs (having started with 2). Poor old Long John either had to under-ruff or take the trick with the Jack ( which was what he did). However, down to just the Q432, he could only make one more club trick against dummy's remaining 10985. This board had now given Santa a galactic top, putting him in pole position. However, the next two boards went Old Nick's way. Both hands saw Santa bidding and making 5D and 4H. He took too much of a liking to the red suits, because he missed a small slam in clubs on board 4, and 3NT+1 scored better on board 5. By now Humpty had lost his composure and was in pieces. So much so, he completely went into his shell on board 6, failing to open on a poor twelve count. This hand was passed out giving his opponents an above average score. By now, Santa had concluded that enough gifts had been handed out......the time had come to sleigh his opponents for once and for all. He picked up his final hand : and woe upon woe, it was a 3-5-0-5 yarborough, with the void in diamonds. Old Nick opened the bidding with strong 2S, and from the white in Humpty's distraught and despairing eyes it looked as though he had nothing as well. Sure enough Long John responded with an ultra-confident 4NT ( agreeing spades and looking for a slam). But then out-of-the-blue Santa bid 5D !! Long John immediately called for the TD, alleging an improper bid. The TD ruled that Santa was entitled to make any bid he liked, and that he (LJS) wouldn't have a leg to stand on should he make an appeal. Eventually, Old NIck settled in 7S having ascertained that their combined holding included....... all the top trumps, and the top two honours in the three other suits. The sound of 7S tick ringing around in his head was like sweet soul music, but when Humpty led the 6 of diamonds, he was completely knocked for 6...... when Santa ruffed with the 6 of spades. This epic battle was all over.....Santa and Humpty scored yet another top to snatch the trophy away from their rivals at the death. Old Nick turned to his partner..." I'm off.."......" But it's wet outside" replied Long John....." and you stand the rein deer, can you ? ".