BRIDGE CLUB COMMITTEES.......BIGOT-JOHNSON SPEAKS OUT

Bridge club committees in my experience achieve very little. I should know.....I was chairman for one for 3 years running, until irate members called an extraordinary general meeting to have me ( and all my lackeys) voted off. What with accusations of rigging the AGM elections, disappearing club funds, declining membership and expensive perks for committee members, we were all scapegoated to take the blame ! Mind you, handing back to the club the keys to the porsche 911 did upset me a bit.

But since then..... have subsequent committees turned round the fortunes of the club ? I think not. Uselessness has replaced irresponsibility. In my time we had no problems reaching agreement on issues : members did as I instructed. You see, the essence of an " effective committee " requires it to be composed of 3 people, with one who is always sick and the other who is always absent. Recent committees here tend to be large gatherings, where they argue and procrastinate on issues, almost to the point of standing still. However, it is my contention that bridge club committees, the world over, can only reach agreement on 12 things, as listed below :

• How best to arrange the tables and chairs prior to the start of the meeting
• The number of teas and coffees required for the interval session
• That nothing can be done of any significance concerning major issues, given the problems and contraints they would encounter..... so therefore there's no point in trying
• If something could be done regarding less important matters, it would be so much wiser to put them on the back burner for a while.....then later on throw the balls up into the air and see how they land
• Things of a completely trivial and petty nature should be tackled immediately
• Who should pour out the tea and coffee when it arrives
• The best place to go to buy the tea, coffee and biscuits for the next meeting
• What needs to be done to maintain the status quo power bases within the club
• What the barriers are ( and why they can't be overcome ) to achieve innovation and change
• What needs to go in the published version of the minutes, which gives the impression that something useful had been achieved during the meeting
• What time to finish the meeting
• When to hold the next meeting