BIGOT-JOHNSON'S QUICK AND EASY 7 STEP GUIDE TO BECOMING A GRANDMASTER ( despite being completely useless at bridge )

1. Become a sharp dressed gigolo
2. Pay $ 100 to buy a false title, and change your name to Sebastian
3. Party with the rich
4. Pick out the dullest but richest looking wall-flower
5. Enter into marriage
6. File for divorce
7. Spend all the settlement money on sponsoring top class players to partner you in high profile events, until sufficient masterpoints have been accumulated

Now how easy is that............