( In the trial of the century, Bigot-Johnson was up before an Old Bailey judge, but this time on a charge of high treason. An excerpt from the trial's transcript appears below. )
Judge : Bigot you stand accused of high treason....
B-J : What.....!!!
Judge : Yes...high treason as a result of your heinous and horrendous crimes against The Queen.
B-J : You're off your head......
Judge : Off with yours.... might be a more appropriate observation.
B-J : Good grief.....
Judge : Prosecutor, please outline the specific charges....
Prosecutor : Indeed, I will your honour....with pleasure......So Bigot was it not the case.... that when your partner held Qxx in a suit, you led the jack from Jx doubleton ? This enabled declarer to take the trick in dummy with the king, only to finesse your partner's queen on the way back through his Ace-10. In other words you completely murdered The Queen, and in doing so lost a valuable trick in defence.
B-J : Yes....that was a mistake.....but I was having a bad day...
Judge : Not as bad as this day is going to be.....
Pros : And did you not, Bigot, when partner was holding Qx, go up with the Ace at the first time of asking...the moment declarer led low towards dummy's KJxx ? Not surprisingly, your partner's queen fell to her death when declarer rose with the king on the second round of the suit. So once more, by putting The Queen to the sword, you cost your side .....yet again....... another valuable trick in defence.
B-J : Ooops.....sorry....
Pros : Then soon after, did you not throw the queen from your holding of Qxx under declarer's play of AK in that suit ? With partner sitting there with his Jx, you enabled declarer to make 5 tricks in that suit, when only 4 were possible.
B-J : But I was attempting to create a much needed entry to partner's hand.
Pros : Enough of these pitiful excuses.....the simple fact remains that you butchered The Queen .....unnecessarily. And to cap that.....on the very next hand .....did you not ruff a trick with the 9, from your J9 holding, only to see declarer over-ruff with the 10. Then, when he played out the AK of trumps, down came your jack, and partner's queen doubleton. If you had sensibly ruffed with the jack you would have set up a trump promotion, establishing partner's queen as a winner. As it was, you put The Queen to the sword once more !
Judge : I have heard enough of these appalling acts against our monarch......that man is as guilty as hell. Crimes against The Queen cannot and will not be tolerated in this civilised society as ours....
Jury ( in unison ) : Beat him up.....
Judge : Too lenient....
Jury : Send him down...
Judge : Still too lenient....
Jury : Punish him with " life "....
Judge : Good idea....
Jury : No...punish him with " death "
Judge : Now....you're talking.....
B-J : Can I make a suggestion.....
Judge and Jury : No !!.....
B-J : ....Bugger....
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