( No surprise at all to see Bigot-Johnson being hauled before this sub-committee to answer complaints yet again from Percy Pantopod. These all relate to the defacing the members' notice board, plus accusations of malicious persecution. An extract from the hearing's transcript appears below. )
Chairman : Bigot...your behaviour towards poor Percy is nothing short of scandalous. It is vindictive, and it represents bullying of the worst kind.
B-J : Just a mo.....I think you're over-reacting here....
Chairman : Why ?
B-J : ....Because Percy is the evil-minded wombat.......not me. He's the one that everybody dislikes.
Chairman : Well, he gets on my tits that's for sure....but we are here to review your unacceptable behaviour. Facts have emerged that every time Percy put in a poor performance, his name of course was well down the results list..... a document which the club is obliged to publish on the notice board for all to read. Needless to say.... you have been seen placing a picture of an animal next to the list......with an arrow linking the picture to poor Percy.
B-J : But what's wrong with that ?
Chairman : Well, firstly, the notice board is not for the members to practice graffiti on. Your artistic interpretations represent acts of criminal damage, whereby important documents are being defaced as a result of your twisted and warped sense of humour.
B-J : Did you find it funny ?
Chairman : Indeed, I did.....but that isn't the point. Your actions could put the club at risk as being a joint-party to a costly libel action.
B-J : Not so...the truth always provides a cast iron defence. The mere fact I suggested that Percy's results make him out to be a monkey is right on the mark.
Chairman : But you've also lampooned him as a donkey....a rat...a cheetah....a rabbit......a snake.....a lemming....to name but a few.
B-J : But the man is an ass.....
Chairman : That may well be the case, but why the constant persecution ?
B-J : Well, to most members he has become a long-standing joke, and members have come to expect my comic animal associations.......which help liven up a notice board renown for the most mundane, irrelevant, uninteresting, boring content imaginable. And what's more.... Percy needs a regular dollop of reality checks. The numpty still thinks he can play bridge.
Chairman : So what you're saying Bigot....and correct me if I'm wrong... is that all your intentions are good, not fuelled at any hatred or loathing (many of us believe ) you have for this loser.
B-J : Yep....you got it in one....
Chairman : Well, if that is the case,....we will take no action against you........
B-J : Amazing...what can I say other than " thank you " ....and on that happy note I'll be on my merry way
Chairman : Good-day to you Bigot.....
B-J : ( And as Bigot walks away smiling in disbelief, he quietly mumbles under his breath )........You silly buggers !
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