THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED....................

• Partner : one of three players at the table who is out to get you
• Fouled board : one that has been handled by a player on his return from the toilet, having forgotten to wipe his hands
• Butler scoring : a situation which is likely to happen when the club's wealthiest player turns up to play bridge, leaving his young nymphomaniac wife at home with a newly appointed manservant
• Impossible call : a rarely seen event where a player openly acknowledges his/her mistake in turning a complete top into a wretched bottom
• Alert : a quality that is often missing from players who are easily distracted, or prone to daydreaming
• Take a view : a well used euphemism for taking a wild guess. The term tends to suggest that the decision taken was based on careful consideration of all possible options, but the reality is in fact the complete absence of any rational thinking.
• Zero tolerance : what all overly competitive players have for their less experienced partners