BIGOT GIVES HIS ACADEMY CLASS A REAL LESSON IN BIDDING......

" This week I want you to forget about textbook bidding and focus on tactics. Think about David who confronted Goliath. Think about the mouse who confronted the elephant. What assets did they have ? " None " is the answer. So despite being outgunned, you get into the auction whenever possible , especially if it's white against red. Psyches, pre-empts and light openers are fine, but I'm talking about here are the BIGOT RULES of competitive bidding.....

First up is the ROCKET RULE , which states that as your HCPs head towards zero, then it is time to BLAST OFF when the bidding comes round to you after two opening passes . Stick in any 1 level suit bid you like , and expect the opponents to bounce straight in and reach game contract. Declarer of course will play you for all the outstanding points, only to end up crashing to earth with egg on his face.

Next is the APOLLO RULE , which requires you to shit on opponents from a very great height. This rule only applies when the opponents have found a fit but are unaware of a very nasty trump break. You push them on your tat as high as possible........ hopefully towards an unmakeable contract....one which puts them into the proverbial #### now that you've wellied them with a big hefty "double ".

Best of all is the SWINDLE RULE , which involves you doing the opposite after being asked about your signalling methods. For instance, play low-high with a small doubleton after you've indicated to them you play distributional signals. Partner of course will be programmed to register the fact the swindle rule has been put into operation. In essence, you are giving the opponents an honest answer, one which is supported by what's written on your convention card, but thereafter you do opposite for the remainder of the hand.

Finally, there is my latest gadget called the OPENING DOUBLE RULE . Imagine you are dealt a hand with just a solid 6 card suit, but bugger all else. Too good for a pre-empt, a hand offers little in the way of defensive tricks, and certainly too lop-sided for a one-level opener. So in 3rd position only, after two passes, you open with a double ! Inevitably, the TD will be called and some ruling will be given against you. If you are allowed to correct your bid , you can muddy the waters by bidding a suit below the one you have , partner fully aware of what you've actually got and where to escape to. If you ( or your partner ) are not allowed to bid, the opponents haven't a bloody clue as to what you actually hold, and even if partner is on lead simple detective work will tell him what your suit is. If say...... your opponents sail into 3NT, it's all to easy to beat this contract straightaway by 2 tricks.

And while we're at it why not try this. 1D from partner. One heart over overcall. REDOUBLE FROM YOU. Obviously a natural double would indicate the other two suits, but a redouble shows a hand with a decent heart holding ....but nothing else , especially in diamonds. Again the TD will be called, and no doubt a ruling given against you. If you are required to correct your bid to a double then that's fine..... with partner feeling obliged to pass. If you are barred from bidding , then partner knows exactly what to do when it's his turn to bid next. Simple eh ?

Yes...this is bridge at the cutting edge......so get out there........ and start playing the Bigot Way ! "