Last night I was playing with a complete numptie. I told him what our 0ne level overcall " doubles " indicated, but did this system bid of mine register ? Not a bloody chance.
So when board 4 came along, I felt obliged to get up out of my seat and give partner a right good rollicking. Not surprisingly the TD came over to investigate.
" What on earth is going on, Bigot ? You're upsetting everybody in the room. Tell me, what is your problem?
Having been put on the spot, I told this interfering busy body ( in no uncertain terms ) why I was so upset.
" It's my useless partner.....he can't count to save his life. "
" Yes, this happens, " came the sympathetic reply, " players often lose count as to how many cards have been played from a particular suit. "
Well, clearly this was the typical response of an unknowing, out-of-his-depth, inbred . He was proving to be a bigger numptie than my partner.
" It's got nothing to do with counting cards. The bidding went 1H on my left and , after a little pause, partner doubled. My RHO passed and I went straight to 3NT on my very solid 14-pointer. But this contract went off 2 for a complete bottom ! The bastard only had 9 points for his double "
The TD looked shocked and perplexed.
" So why HAS partner been slagged off for failing to count ? Heavens above....the man was dummy ."
" You muppet...my partner's double indicated a hand with 12 HCPs....... such was number of seconds between the two opening bids. All he was required to do before doubling was to count up to 9 !! "
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