Prosecutor (P) : Bigot-Johnson you are charged with causing grievous bodily arm.....with intent......by using a firearm on Percy Pantopod, while you were both on a bridge holiday In India.
B-J : Yes....I can not for the life of me figure out why the man is still alive today
P : The facts appear to be as follows........the two of you left the hotel after the evening's duplicate to walk off into the jungle that was supposedly out of bounds. Having managed to get yourselves completely lost you came across a dangerous man-eating tiger.
B-J : That about right...
P : So please tell the court .......why you felt it is necessary to shoot poor Percy in the leg ?
B-J : Self-preservation.....If we both legged it it was a 50-50 chance of who was going to buy it. I figured I could put the odds firmly in my favour if I coud outrun Percy. This required me to shoot him in the leg in order to slow him down. It was the perfectly logical thing to do.
Judge : Pardon my curiousity......but wouldn't it have been more logical to shoot the tiger instead ?
B-J : Ah....not so.....in that situation it is logical to assume two things. Firstly, it is far easier to hit a stationary target which is only 3 feet away from you......than a hungry man-eating tiger that is hurtling towards you at break-neck speed. Secondly, if I fired and missed the tiger........ the animal would have got really miffed, and would no doubt head straight for me !
Judge : Can't argue with that........
B-J : Yep.... it's that kind of logic which has earned me the reputation of being the most ruthless, cold hearted, calculating bastard of a bridge player in the whole of the UK......
No comments:
Post a Comment