SPECIAL FEATURE ARTICLE : " TOXIC TED " BATEMAN DECIDES TO SETTLE THE ISSUE ON WHETHER MEN ARE BETTER PLAYERS THAN WOMEN FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL........

There's no bladdy way of escaping the fact that women bridge players come from Venus, whereas men come from Mars. Now I am not going be accused of being a sexist, male chauvinistic, woman-hating bigot.....oh no.....I'm not that stupid. So no way am I going to say that women play less well than men. Nor I am going to say that men are more intelligent. All I will say is that the way that men and women approach the game is DIFFERENT.

So I ask myself what is the best way to sum up this different approach ? But hey there .... to do that is no sodding walk in the park......especially if I am obliged to stay within the bounds of decency ! Nevertheless , if I am pressed to make a simple summary, it comes down to one thing. the difference between men and women is that most women play rigidly to an agreed system, and are never willing to deviate or to use vision. Moreover they are ardent disciples of the losing trick count, fearful of ever being doubled, always choosing to bid and play the cards according to standard text book theory, and the way they have been taught.

So allow me to translates this at its most basic level. One classic example, is that women will never open 1NT on a good 11 count, if the system card says 12-14. The fact that an 11 pointer offers far more trick potential than a woeful 12 count is bladdy irrelevant......they cannot bring themselves to lie to partner.

This inflexible, rigid, wooden approach and adherence to their system cards always enables the men to profit by their honesty. Given that this honesty may well help them stay clear of trouble.......such virtue never gives them any tops. Men are much more prepared to speculate to accumulate. They will take chances, bid to the limit, improvise, and be far more creative ..........and by pushing their luck they make their own luck. Men are prepared to take swings....and I don't bladdy mean at each other.....risking a bottom to create a chance out of nothing for a top. Hell, what the devil is wrong with making imaginative, off-centre, deviations and psyches.......when the real beauty of the game comes from pulling off a multitude of deceptive bids and plays.

And because men are risk takers they have developed a better sense of anticipating danger. Risk calculations , involving the weighing up all possible gains against all possible losses , is a skill rarely practised or developed by women. Yet this is a skill which transfers itself across (from the bidding ) to every other facet of the game : choice of opening leads, avoiding end-plays, breaking up squeezes, severing communications, and so on. Too many women put safety as their number one priority, which simply translates into playing for an average !

Women play like they drive a sodding car. Never reckless, occasionally careless but always correct and staid with both hands firmly on the steering wheel. Insurance companies love them. Not surprising then to see their score cards packed full of 50% boards, with never enough tops to cancel out the bottoms, which they inevitably pick up from being too honest and too timid in the bidding. Match winning cards often come from those with 16 tops opposite 8 complete bottoms for a 67% score.

So there you have it....women by choosing to play down the middle end up as 50%-ers , forever taking up the middle positions in the field. And what's more..... results statistics bladdy well prove it !