DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES : GENITAL RETRACTION SYNDROME

The name of this extremely distressing condition is enough to make a grown man cringe. Thankfully for the rest of the male population , this affliction is solely confined to an older generation , being a culture specific disorder exclusive to bridge clubs. Sufferers , who tend to live and die by their results , have an astonishing belief that their scores are irretrievably linked to  the current state of their manliness and virility . Therefore , whenever poor results began to accumulate they are quick to recognise that  their little pink members have already deflated and shrunk in size , almost to the point of disappearing into nothingness. Similarly , a succession of good results , which have pumped up their self-confidence and self-belief, is a natural outcome of something down below now looking up , and feeling very perky.  Indeed, it is this phenomenon which explains why the game of bridge gets them " so excited ". 

However, since the reality for most bridge players is one of disappointment and failure, with so many scores never getting above average , then the syndrome inevitably locks in on a regular , almost permanent , basis.

Never a day goes by with out GRS sufferers going into panic mode that their scores are  the consequence ( or cause ) of their shrinking penises , and that these deflationary episodes will carry on throughout the whole 3 hour session at the tables.  Occasionally , for the more accomplished player, an anxiety attack will be isolated , and limited to just a brief, fleeting outbreak, but as for the majority the condition remains chronic with lengthy reoccuring attacks.
 On top of the apparent shrinkage , other symptoms include the perception that the poor results at the tables will certainly mean their performance in the bedroom department will also suffer badly  ........when the reality of GRS is that  the condition is completely unavoidable , being linked old age and loss of muscular tone.  

Bridge players , unfortunately , have a lot of cultural beliefs in regards to the ultimate symbol of their manhood. To them  "  the glorious pinkie "  is the source of all their mental virility and vitality. When their thinking starts to fade they experience an overwheming sense  of feeling jaded, lethargic and limp. Some even develop the delusional notion that when their potential to perform at bridge is fading away, then death might well come as a merciful release.