" THE WAY THINGS OUGHT TO BE " DEPT :
 CARDINALS BC ETHICS AND  ETIQUETTE SUB- COMMITTEE v. BIGOT-JOHNSON ( 2009 )
It came as no surprise to anyone to see  Bigot being first up to  face charges of unethical behaviour , having brazenly signed a written confession about his questionable habits over the bidding and play of the cards. What follows next is a short extract from the hearing's transcript .

- Do you Bigot plead guilty to pulling cards out of your hand before it's your turn to play ? 

- Yes.....and I have submitted a written confession to that effect

- So what explanation do you have for this unacceptable practice ?

- Well , being an impetuous and impatient man , I like to crack on with both the bidding and play of the cards . I firmly believe in the principle of preparedness and so I know exactly what I'm going to do........ since it is so easy to predict the actions of others at the table

- But surely , this premature detachment of cards ......apart from being highly  unethical....doesn't make good bridge sense

- True....but I'm very good , for instance , at predicting what bid or card my RHO is going to play , such is the wooden thinking of most players I encounter . Moreover , there are many situations where I have no sensible alternative.......

- So tell me .....what is an opposition declarer  supposed to do ,  when pondering over what to play from dummy...... if you are waiting there. ....ready to play your pre-selected card ? 

- Yes , I can see how that might unnerve declarer....or perhaps put him under pressure to play faster......but hell it's the slowness of some players that is reducing this game to one of terminal boredom

- So have you anything more to say on this matter

- No.....other than to apologise for all my past misdemeanours . Furthermore , I solemnly swear not to force the tempo of the game , and to restrain my impetuous urges...... only reaching for a card when it is my turn to play

- Well I never....we are all very pleased to hear this, but despite the fact you have been very honest , upfront and apologetic , we cannot ignore the gravity of your misconduct. Therefore , we intend to publish your name on the club's newly conceived NAME AND SHAME NOTICE BOARD , which will feature every member found guilty of bad and shameful behaviour at the bridge tables

- Fair enough....so am I now free to go ?

- Regretfully no.....it appears you are also down for today's fourth hearning concerning your ultra quick passes over opponents' opening one-level bids......which in our view are clearly unethical by conveying obvious , albeit unauthorised ,  information about your hand to partner....

- Bugger....