( The terminology of bridge has changed over the years. Many of the terms we once thought we knew have now taken on completely different meanings. So here are a few more bridge terms and what they to appear to mean today. )
- Loyal club member : applications to join other local bridge clubs have all been rejected
- One of the game's true characters : wears an ear-ring , and is a raging puff
- An expert : moderately good player
- A real expert : the overwhelming delusion of greatness the expert has of himself
- ( Has a ) decent all round game : a player who is average at more things than the average player
- Zero tolerance : a disciplinary system akin to aversion therapy : one which reflects a total cop out on the part of the game's administrators to find a fair but effective way of tackling bad behaviour
- Bidding restrictions : the laws that trap all but the top players
- Open field : a poor turnout tournament where players with real ability and technical superiority are noticeable only by their absence
- Slow players : cheats of the worst kind
- Committee officers : control freaks who treat the members' club as theirs
- Serial psycher : the player most likely to win the Most Creative Bidder Of The Year award
- Disciplinary hearing : a non-hearing event where the player up for the chop is tried and convicted in his absence , being denied the opportunity to be heard
- Appeal hearing : rubber stamp exercise carried out by friends and supporters of those involved in the non-hearing event
- Expulsion : the perfect punishment handed out to scapegoats , namely unpopular disruptive players , whose absence wont weaken the club's ability to field strong teams in regional competitions and leagues
- Tournament director : well educated on the laws of the game , a person who knows exactly which rules to apply ( or not ) to players according to their status , rank , and likability
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