" As you know Percy, we the committee are well on our way to re-establishing this club as an ultra-friendly and social place to come, where both new and old members alike can play bridge in complete confidence that their experience here will always be a memorable one....in so many positive and rewarding ways. This is a club which prides itself on embracing sub-zero tolerance policies full on....
And would you believe dear Percy, that spring is just around the corner. The snows of winter will flow away, the ice will vanish, the air will become soft and balmy. In short, the annual miracle of the years will repeat itself again, and come to pass. But sadly, you won't be here to see it.
The rivulet will run its meandering course to the sea. The early flowers will bloom in majestic glory.....and the trees will sprout forth their tender buds. The glorious valleys of this green and imperial land will blossom as the rose. Alas...alas.....for you .....this is a picture that can only be a dream.
From every treetop , a wild wood songster will carol his mating song. Butterflies will sport in the sunshine. The gentle breeze will tease the tassels of the wild grasses, and all nature will rejoice in unison. But you, dear Percy, will be in a far away and forgotten place.
Because I.....Bigot-Johnson....have decreed as chairman of this disciplinary hearing to have you lead away to some remote spot, to be swung by your neck from a knotting bough of some sturdy oak....and to leave you hanging there until dead. And furthermore, I have instructed both Ronnie and Reggie to retire quickly from the scene of your dangling lifeless corpse, in the knowledge and hope that ravens and crows may descend from the heavens upon your filthy body.......until nothing shall remain but the bare, bleached bones of a mean spitited, woman-molesting , lying, deceitful son-of-a-bitch...."
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