THE HARSH REALITY OF BEING AN INADEQUATE BRIDGE NOVICE................. ( Article by Carp )

The other day I read an article outlining 10 good reasons for people should take up bridge. Well beneath all this glossy hype there lurks a harsh reality. So for all those who want to know what the darker side of bridge is all about, please read the red comments that follow the rose-tinted views that are so often used to promote this game. 

1. You 'll use your mind and stay mentally sharp. Those gifted with rapier-like minds will cut you to bits first.
2. You'll find new friends at bridge games wherever you travel in the world. What friends ? No bugger will want to be your partner if you turn out to be a complete dork at this game.
3. You can associate with bright, inquisitive people. The chances of you ever being acknowledged or accepted by these aloof, smart-arsed bastards are zero.
4. Bridge will keep you away from the television and the refrigerator. Oh yes, as if sitting on your arse for hours, lifting featherweight cards,  is ever going to be a healthier life-style !  
5. You can enjoy a bridge cruise with a celebrity host. So you end up paying a small fortune just to be seasick, or at worst being sunk by an iceberg.
6. You'll feel a bond with people from all walks of life who also love the game. The only bonds you'll establish with partners come in 2 forms : metal or paper chains. The first represent a life of inescapable torture, while the other represents waver thin relationships torn asunder in a matter of weeks.
7. You'll be able to play in the same tournaments as national and world champions. But at what price ?  Remember, you'll only there to make up the numbers, to be stomped all over by these experts, and revered only as " sacrificial lambs " to be crucified and slaughtered.
8. You'll feel the thrill of executing an advanced play and enjoy the confidence it brings. The only execution you'll expereience is  when your head is ceremoniously placed on the chopping block. Indeed, it is far more likely you'll be leaving the club mentally battered, drained of all emotion, self-confidence and self-esteem.
9. As you get better, you'll be able to measure your progress. This measurement of course involves reviewing the huge reductions to your cash assets, as climbing up the ladder rankings involves spending thousands (£) on accumulating meaningless " greenies " .
10. But most of all - you'll have fun. Well, maybe for those with masochistic tendencies,  who will obviously enjoy the pain and relentless abuse inflicted upon them by merciless bullying partners.