ANY FOOL CAN BE A BRIDGE PLAYER..........................( A Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber poem commissioned by Bigot-Johnson to appear on a recruitment drive advertisement ,  seeking to attract new members to the Slaughter House Bridge Club )

Any fool can be a bridge player
In fact it helps no end
To be a little crazy
Or half-way round the bend
It's not essential to be crackers
But no need to be perturbed
As long as you're not normal
But definitely disturbed
So by fitting this description
Please come and play your part
You'll soon get the hang of things
Once you get a start
Don't let the bidding destroy you
Or let opponents look for rows
Ignore the self-appointed Gods
And those nasty bitchy cows 
Ignore your clueless partners
Because you'll be just as bad
Learn to live with awkward players
Don't let them drive you mad

So if you want a better life
Rich with masochistic glee
Sign the dotted line right now
The cost is such a modest fee
We're not after your money 
Just fools who are easy meat
Ones who offer no threat at all 
And take little effort to beat
Don't let doubts ever put you off
Join now for it's never too late
You could be the sap we're looking for
The perfect candidate
Abandon all hope of winning
The game takes years to learn
But any fool can pick up hands
And play the cards in turn