LAW REPORT : WRIGHT-HACKER v. BIGOT-JOHNSON  1989

Having been accused of being a cheat and a bully in the club's very own newsletter , the once well respected chairman, Wright-Hacker, decided to sue the editor, Bigot-Johnson,
for libel. Moreover, he also claimed that as a fellow committee member Bigot had breached the club's sacred rule on confidentiality by revealing the alleged failings and shortcomings of other committee members. Contrary to usual practice, Bigot opted to hire a top class lawyer . Sylvester Shyster, a specialist in getting clients off the hook, to defend him in this high profile case. Two short extracts from the trial's transcript appear below.

Sylvester Shyster ( SS ) : Bigot.......you are a distinguished and highly acclaimed editor , blogger and journalist.....are you not ?
B-J : No.....I am not
SS : Hold on a mo......I thought we agreed you would say " yes " to that question
B-J : Oh my God....I completely forgot all about last week's talk on what tactics we were to use in court
SS : So Bigot...I need to put it to you that....in publishing this down-to-earth , hard hitting ,
blockbuster of an article......about the low-down, filthy , cheating habits of Hacker.....you were acting only out of the very highest of motives.....and out of a burning desire to put a stop to his obscene and despicable behaviour.....by broadcasting to all and sundry the risks they face should this amoral results merchant arrive at their table 
B-J : If you say so Shyster....but as far as I was concerned my real motives were based on the fact that I was out to get this man......... ever since he put in a complaint to a disciplinary sub-committee about my coffee-housing tactics and deliberate slow play.
SS : What the hell are you up to.....no way was that answer in the script ....you're cocking  up your own defence you big numpty
B-J : Oops sorry.....

( After Bigot had dropped a couple more clangers , it was the turn of Hacker's lawyer  
 Ivor Sorbottom to question his client )

IS : Wright-Hacker....I know that this must be very difficult for you to put into words.......
B-J ( interjecting ) : Yes....the man is a complete moron
IS : .......but would you describe your feelings on seeing your name and photograph in this newsletter article as being ones of intense embarrassment , shame , humiliation  and suicidal depression ?
W-H : No...
IS : That was meant to be the answer to my next question......which was .....are you a cheat ?
W-H : Yes....
IS : Are you sure about that answer  ?
W-H : No...the " yes " was to the first question......and yes , the " no " was to the second question
B-J ( interjecting ) : For pity's sake man.......you're worse than me at keeping to the script
Judge : I agree....and I think it's time for a long adjournment so both parties can revise their lines and re-shape their answers .....in keeping with the long established traditions of sharp practice and courtroom shenanigans