BIGOT-JOHNSON GIVES HIS CLASS OF STUDENTS A LESSON ABOUT DRAFTING LETTERS OF COMPLAINT

One day during a bridge class, Bigot-Johnson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were North who had just seen the bridgemate snatched from underneath your nose by an opponent, how would you go about defining the incident in a forcefully written complaint ?"  
The student replied, "He took possession of the bridgemate."    
Bigot was livid. "No! No!... In this club you must think and act like a lawyer! "  
The student then queried, " Well…how would you define his actions ?                                            “ " Like this you numbskull...." , snapped Bigot , …" I hereby declare that EAST in the absence of the registered keeper’s express, implied or apparent consent have wrongfully and unlawfully attempted to acquire my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, benefits and advantages of and in, said bridgemate, together with all its buttons, screen display, electronic contents, and casing, and all rights and advantages with full power to enter scores, read the results,  and otherwise move with great force, the same, or perhaps after causing wanton or reckless damage, to give or throw away the same,  with and without the buttons, display screen  and/or contents, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind, whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."
The perplexed student replied “ Is all that necessary ? “

Bigot in a flash turned upon him like a preying mantis about to consume a fly : “ Doing or saying anything in this club in ignorance of the law can get you into a whole heap of trouble. So think and act like a lawyer if you wish to stay out of trouble. "