DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES :
THE FLOBBERDOBBERDOBBERDOBBER SYNDROME


Whenever male bridge players endure a gut-wrenching session of galactic bottoms and well-below average scores , many just want to crawl away and die. The shame , the guilt and the embarrassment can be so great that an overwhelming desire wells up inside them to go out and dig a pit in which bemoan their fate and cry. 
Thankfully , most clubs have the decency to provide brown paper bags , large enough to cover up victims' tortured faces , hideously distorted by utter despair and anguish. Other clubs have an unlimited stock of two litre whiskey bottles in which these poor unfortunates can dive in and drown themselves .  However, when these services are not available , it often results in some of these tragic losers succumbing to the flobberdobberdobberdobber syndrome.
Victims of this condition suddenly realize the enormity of their failings : that they played bridge that evening like complete morons. Unlike other losers their need is find someone capable of providing immediate comfort and solace. Therefore,  they are compelled to seek out ladies of the night or , if money is a problem ,  to go back to their loving and obliging wives ).  Yet in all instances , these women must be well proportioned , possessing loose morals, kind hearts, soft skin and warm beds. Indeed , they must all be willing and able to offer these syndrome victims countless opportunities to place their faces between two rather lush and enormous bosoms , to shake their heads and blow. This inevitably results in muffled noises emanating from the chest area , which sound like  " flobber....dobber....dobber... ....dobber ",  hence the name given to this rather unusual syndrome.
The first two players to be diagnosed with this condition were Bill and Ben Flowerpott from Welling Garden City. One of the classic early symptoms is that the sufferer will have certainly weed his pants during the course of that evening when one wretched score following another , because whenever one hand finally made an average  ( or better-than-average )  score the over-excitement was too much to contain . Nevertheless , syndrome sufferers are happy in the knowledge that flobberdobbing has an amazing knack of restoring them back to a state where confidence and self-esteem will be peaking once again.