CONDUCT EXPECTED OF MEMBERS AT AGMs : A DEFINITIVE GUIDE BY BIGOT-JOHNSON

Manners are important. Members with no manners should be thrown into a big grinder and minced. Therefore it is now essential for members attending AGMs to be on their very best behaviour : polite , respectful , submissive and compliant. The rules to be followed are listed below.

1.  Standing to attention when the chairman's presence is announced 
2.  No stepping onto, or dirtying , the red carpet laid down for the chairman's grand entrance      
3.  No heckling or shouting of abuse
4.  No asking of awkward questions which might might cause committee members distress,
    shame or embarrassment
5.  Staying quiet whenever a committee member speaks, and then giving him/ her a warm 
     round of applause after he or she has finished
6.  Giving up your seat to one of many of newly recruited members , called in of course as  
     gerrymandered voters to back all the committee proposals, resolutions and initiatives no  
     matter how absurd, insane or ludicrous they appear to be 
7.  Not interrupting any of the proceedings with irritating points of order and petty concerns
8.  Refusing to vote against committee proposals, remembering that as a member your duty  
      of allegiance is to place the committee's needs over and above any  personal objections  
      you have.... even if they are based on common sense , conscience and self-respect
9.   If you feel compelled to speak then keep it short and complimentary
10. Taking every opportunity to thank committee members for their efforts , dedication and hard
      work. Ignore the fact that they might well be a bunch of crooks or escapees from a local
      lunatic asylum . It pays you to remember that without the committee your club would not be 
      the same talked-about place as it is today 
11. No opting out from making a more than generous donation towards the chairman's
       retirement fund, in recognition of the selfless, unpaid work he/she is carrying out on the
       members' behalf 
12. Turning a blind eye to any incident which would tarnish the good reputation of committee
       members , or their supporters