FIFTEEN DAMN GOOD REASONS WHY I KNOW THAT CHEATING GOES ON AT MY CLUB......( Article by Carp ) 

  1.  Nobody turns up with a cold but there's coughing going on at every table 
  2.  No one suffers from deafness but everyone wears top-of-the-range hearing aids
  3.  Expertise counts for nothing
  4.  Players who call directors by their first names never get unfavourable rulings
  5.  Even 3 hours isn't long enough to play 24 boards given the vast number of hesitations 
       which occur on every hand at every table
  6.  There are more players on walkabouts than there are sitting down at the tables
  7.  More often than not it's the non-bidding partner of the doubler who turns up with the
       biggest hand
  8.  There are so many changes in player's tempo one is left to wonder if time anomalies and
       distortions only occur inside bridge clubs
   9.  Players are so obsessed with their national rankings that results have become their first
        priority at the expense of ethical considerations
  10. Body movements and facial expressions suggest that most players should have taken up
        acting ( and not bridge ) 
  11.  Psychs never prove costly with partners so adept at fielding that a lucrative career in 
         county cricket would not beyond the realms of possibility
   12. Players instinctively know what their partners hold despite never being able to explain
         correctly what their bids actually mean , or  what the play of a particular calls for
   13.  The number of co-incidences when the length held in a particular suit matches exactly
          the number of exposed finger digits as players fan and re-fan their cards 
   14.  The uncanny number of potential slam hands players somehow elect stay out of when 
          only game is making , as compared to the number of times dodgy-highly speculative 
          slams bid and made ( knowing of course good fortune will lend them a helping hand )
    15.  Whenever an anti-percentage play is undertaken , it bizarrely comes off