THE TELLING TELL-TALE SIGNS THAT SOMEONE IS A MEMBER OF THE INFAMOUS SLAUGHTER HOUSE BRIDGE CLUB........

1. An amazing ability through years of practice of ducking out of the way of low flying objects
2.  An arthritic middle figure from years of over use
3.  A big mouth , a sharp tongue and a disgusting vocabulary to complement both 
4.  An ever-growing appetite for sado-masochistic behaviour  
5.  A disfigured face with a nose having been knocked out of joint on numerous occasions
6.  Several scars on the back from repeated stabbings ,  inflicted by so-called friends and allies
7.  Complete lack of moral fibre , conscience and remorse
8.  A distorted belief that table altercations and out-of-order disputes add a valuable dimension to the game
9.   A misguided view that kowtowing to the club chairman is a mandatory requirement
10. An inability to smile with genuine warmth and affection
11. A reluctance to engage eye contact given that this kind of behaviour at the table is considered as an overt aggressive act  
12. A constant and repetitive facial twitch resulting from years of using highly visual and effective communication methods with partners of long standing and little integrity
13. A passionate pursuit of oneupmanship at the expense of sportsmanship  
14. An unshakable believe that results matter , and that the ends will always justify the means
15. A well developed instinct of keeping one's head below the parapet , born out of necessity and/or self-preservation
16. A deep dread , loathing and fear of those who keep secrets and , of course , a certain kind of dossier