Sunday, 12 April 2015

HOW TO UNDERTAKE  A TAKEOVER COUP OF A COMMITTEE : A SUPERB 7 STEP GUIDE BY BIGOT-JOHNSON FOR BUDDING MEGALOMANIACS 

1. Plot , Plan and Connive :  initial efforts to oust existing members from their officer posts will pay rich dividends. Key positions on the committee can now be seized without too much opposition to initiate an effective coup. 
2. Merge The Key Posts Into One : once elected on a tidal wave of membership apathy and disinterest , vote rigging , propaganda lies,   false promises and bullshit , it becomes imperative to combine all the key posts ,  by giving full control of everything to one or two power-crazed individuals. Consolidating power in this way guarantees both ruthless and effective decision making , with no risk whatever of opposition coming from within the committee.   
3. Consolidate Your Power Base Even Further : it is absolutely essential to have loyal family members and friends in on the takeover coup. Having allies and loyal supporters on the committee , or working on behalf of the committee , will of course involve keeping them sweet, by the dishing out countless favours, privileges , perks and concessions. Getting the full co-operation and protection from this group of lackeys may come at a price , but it is one well worth paying.
4. Set Up A Spy Network : imposing strict obligations on other committee members to swear oaths of allegiance , along with a commitment to maintaining absolute secrecy regarding all committee shenanigans , needs the back-up of a spy network to catch out those who may succumb to pangs of conscience and loose gossip. Fear and threats will always prove useful to developing unwavering loyalty, and an ability to close ranks when allegations of abuse of power and incompetence come flying in. Those who can't hack it will resign leaving the door wide open to replace them with more of your lackeys.
5. Actively Promote Misinformation And Disinformation : rank and file members of the organisation , along with nosey outsiders , must be kept in the dark as much as possible. This of course requires the suppression of the truth , but better still is the sustained bombardment of meaningless , irrelevant information attached to carefully concocted lies. Nasty needles about your wrongdoings always need to buried in giant haystacks , such that they become impossible to find.
6. Never Stop Deluding Yourself : all power-crazed megalomaniacs suffer from delusions of grandeur and false images of themselves. It therefore becomes imperative never to doubt or question these delusions ,  maintaining the erroneous belief that you know best and that you possess great leadership qualities ( which as it happens is the complete of opposite of the truth ). 
7. Don't Ever Take The Blame For Anything : even if the organisation becomes so crippled it is brought to its knees , reassure yourself that it will be the rank and file members who are at fault. Blame must always be transferred to these ineffective and feckless people , who are so blatantly guilty of whispering campaigns and negativity, as evidenced by their refusal to support a dedicated , hard-working bunch of ruthless dictators. 

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