BIGOT PUTS A REJECTED APPLICANT FIRMLY IN THE PICTURE .....

Dear Alistair ,

I'm a little perturbed by the content and tone of your letter. Your membership application was rejected for good reasons , but basically it was a case of you not be able to meet our high expectations and lofty ideals. As you know this bridge club is privately owned and managed by myself with the assistance of a few well trained lackeys. Indeed , it is the club's policy to exclude anyone we consider to be from the lower end in our society,  which certainly applies to you.
The Slaughter House prides itself on catering for people of real stature , blessed with excellent overview of things. Although I accept I was wrong to label you as a child actor , you were at least placed on the short list before the vetting committee finally decided to reject your application. 
Now you may well ask " Why was that ? ". Well , surely you must know. As a 4 foot 4 inch misfit you belong to that group of growth retarded individuals , commonly referred to midgets , hobbits , dwarfs , and pygmies. And according to the club's Constitution the rules on membership are clear and precise : members must be of good standing who are capable of taking big strides towards self-actualisation and achievement.
Moreover , the club doesn't provide big enough table-chair cushions.... and standing on the seats during play is strictly forbidden. 

Yours faithfully,
                  Howard Bigot-Johnson ( Chairman and Chief Executioner )