" DON'T CALL HIM STUPID " : THE WALNUT TREE ALLOTMENT SOCIETY BC DISCIPLINARY HEARING No.238

(  Within days of his last disciplinary , he was back in front of the disciplinary committee having foul-mouthed an opponent at the table. )

Chairman ( C ) : Did you or did you not call your opponent Arthur Brayne " stupid "
B-J : I certainly did....for I am a man who speaks the truth
C : That may be so....but in this club we do not insult opponents..... or direct foul and abusive language at them. Zero tolerance rules apply to all members....including you
B-J : Well ....the fool asked a rather inviting question as to what I thought of him as a person given my contempt for him as a player.......and being a man who believes in brevity I thought " stupid " completely summed him up in just one simple easy-to-understand word
C : But you can't do that.....it was an insult.....cruel and heartless
B-J : Excuse me....we know all that the truth hurts..... but stupid is what he is. In fact he should have treated it as a compliment because quite frankly he plays bridge like a moron .....never able to grasp even basic ideas or instructions
C : Really ? 
B-J : Yes really....you see being stupid is not having or showing an ability to absorb ideas readily. Moreover a stupid man is marked by his lack of intellectual acuity. Therefore , if these definitions were applied to him they would be compliments..... because the extent of his stupidity defies belief
C : Well.....even if that was the case.....  political correctness forbids the use of such a word which brutally portrays him a complete jackass 
B-J : Perhaps you're right.....it may have been better to describe old Arthur as " not the sharpest tool in the box "......or " having too much yardage between the goal posts ".....or better still " the wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead "
C : Exactly....because no way would Arthur understand what the hell these statements actually mean. And blissful ignorance would have resulted in no complaint being lodged against you
B-J : Ah well.....I must remember to do that the next time I sit down and play against this numpty
C : Sorry to say this......but there wont be a next time for a while.... that is until your 6 month suspension has been completed
B-J : Bugger...