NEWSFLASH :  THIS WEEK'S DISCIPLINARY  HEARING AT THE WALNUT TREE ALLOTMENT SOCIETY BC HEADQUARTERS SEES BIGOT-JOHNSON BEING TRIED FOR CHEATING

(  The following extract from the hearing's transcript involves the chairman and Bigot-Johnson almost coming to blows in a bitter and acrimonious exchange )

Chairman (C) : Bigot....you're nothing but a despicable cheat !
B-J : Why don't you step outside and repeat that remark
C : No.... I'll stay inside if you don't mind....it's raining
B-J :  You sir are a coward and a tosser , who knows nothing about the game.... having little or no evidence at all to back up these false and scurrilous accusations about my unholy table tactics
C : Oh..... but we do have evidence of your underhand tactics.... because we've got a hand that clearly exposes your cheating shenanigans
B-J : WHAT hand was this ?
C :  Board 13
B-J : Ah yes.....that was the one which effectively won me the trophy. Indeed , I was the only one who managed to take the 6S contract off 
C : Exactly ! And that was all down to the fact that you and your partner were secretly exchanging information about the length of your shortest suits .....especially in relation to having a singleton or void
B-J : Absolute rubbish
C : You were dealt :  A.....AKQxxx....xxxx...xx
B-J : That is correct...
C : And your RHO opened 1D to which you overcalled 2H. Then your LHO doubled , showing the two other suits ,  and although your partner jumped to 4H .... your RHO with a slam in mind bid 4NT. So the moment he discovered that partner held two key cards in the black suits he went straight to 6S  
B-J : Yes...a contract which I promptly DOUBLED !
C : So how come you lead a diamond .....which happened to be the only way this contract could be beat .....by finding partner with a stiff ?
B-J : Yes ....that's what happens when he gets excited...but you do have to admit that lead was purely inspirational 
C : No .....it wasn't inspirational......it was based on unauthorised information passed over to you during the auction . Any sane player would have put the Ace of hearts down if only to get a look a dummy.....and to avoid any risk of partner's honour holding in the minors being swallowed up.
B-J : I didn't like the idea of leading a top heart......especially since I knew declarer would be ruffing it......so the choice was a club or a diamond
C : Then why a diamond......and not a club
B-J : Didn't fancy a club
C : Why was that ?
B-J : Instinct 
C : And why the double ?
B-J : Because 6S wasn't making
C: But how did you know ?
B-J : Instinct
C: Instinct ?
B-J : I can always tell .....or should I say smell......a singleton when it's lurking about
C : Explain
B-J : Well, whenever an opponent bids a suit in which my partner holds a singleton his little pinkie immediately stands upright
C : I've heard enough......you Bigot are banned for cheating.....and partner will also get banned for his outrageous finger signalling