PROFILE OF A TRULY OBNOXIOUS BRIDGE PLAYER......
( By Carp )

The most telling characteristics , which are there for all to see , are listed below :

1.  Sits sideways on at the table
2.  Leans well back with legs well apart
3.  Portrays an air of superiority ( which his inability at the game cannot justify )
4.  Condescending attitude towards his partners
5.  Loves to hold court even though no one wants to listen
6.  Hums when happy: tuts when distressed
7.  Blames everyone else but never himself
8.  Huffs and puffs when under pressure
9.  Places his cards on the table in a casual , nonchalant way
10. Forever calling the TD over for perceived rule violations 
11. Always a sarcastic tone in his voice
12. Loves the sound of his own voice
13. Never listens
14.  Reacts badly to any form of criticism 
15.  Acts and behaves like a spoilt child and/or injured prima donna 
16.  Oblivious to his irritating habits ( which are many )
17.  Deliberate and annoyingly slow
18.  Oozes smugness when luck is going his way
19.  Greets opponents with insincere politeness and false bonhomme 
20.  Name dropper of the highest order when boasting and bragging