AS AN AGEING BRIDGE PLAYER YOU KNOW YOU'RE OVER THE HILL........

- when you can't recall ever climbing up the hill 
- when you sit in a rocking chair but can't get it going
- when asked about your trump holding you say it's down to excellent bowel control
- when your knees buckle but your belt can't
- when you realize today that you were down to play with your partner in last night's duplicate
- when you're unable to vacate your seat because the gravitational pull is far greater than the
   strength of your leg muscles
- when you wake up feeling like you've had a night on the town only to realize you haven't
  been anywhere at all
- when you hear the snap, crackle and pop and that's even before you've sat down to eat 
   your breakfast cereal
- when you find it mentally taxing even to follow suit 
- when despite your capacity to retain water you are constantly leaking all over the place
- when bending over to pick up a dropped card you wonder what else you could possible do  
  while you are down there
- when you start asking the opponents about the meaning of your partner's bids
- when partner comments on your " monstrous cock up " you immediately look down at your 
   flies