This pervasive institutional initiative has always filled me with much apprehension and dread. As soon as one mentions political correctness, I immediately begin to groan and sink into abject despair. Without doubt, political correctness can go too far, for it has no boundaries. The whole PC thing can become a nightmare for any bridge club........ blighting the lives of its members forever. Once PC rules are implemented, the right to free speech will have been completely taken away. But hey, don't get me wrong : I like most people never want to make or hear remarks that are vile, sexist, racist, cruel, vindictive and upsetting, all of which are extremely tactless and well out of order. Members of bridge clubs should always exercise great care and discretion about what we say to ( and about ) others. Any words which carry negative or insulting connotations should be avoided if possible.
However, PC crusaders tend to seize upon every word they consider even mildly inappropriate. They will see in any word, no matter how harmless, an offensive or demeaning connotation. Even the glossary of bridge terms will come under sustained attack. Campaigners would vehemently argue that the term "dummy" needs replacing. For them, the dummy infers a person who is nothing more than a complete moron or dunce......such are the obvious connotations of the word. A manikin without a brain. Their solution would be to replace it with the political correct " non-participating player ". And what of other bridge terms, which will undoubted get up their PC noses?
Perhaps "black" suits will need to be redefined as " non-red "......."queens" as " female monarchs ".........."spades" as " labour intensive soil removers "...and so on. And as for bridge terms with sexual connotations, PC fanatics will have a field day : rubber, game, quick trick, jump, entry, protection, lay down.....are just some of the words that will immediately require more appropriate and less suggestive synonyms.
Yet, the real damage these dimented crusaders can cause is when insults have to be completely sanitised. In the world of bridge, insults are commonplace. Bridge banter would be lost without them. Well crafted insults reflect members' ingenuity and wit. Mischievous and cheeky banter adds to the richness of the game. Comic quips, sarcasm and sharp wit are to be applauded......not outlawed. Heaven forbid if we are unable to use the phrase "he's off his head"..........for this could be seen to imply a temporary loss of sanity and/or rational thinking, or worse still a diagnosis that the accused person is completely insane. PC campaigners will urge members to apply a much more tactful remark, such as " his differently logical approach possibly indicates there are moments where his grasp of reality is severely challenged " .
So I would now like to leave everyone who plays club bridge with this final observation. If the PC brigade triumph, never be heard to say : " I'm pissed off...my lunatic partners completely misunderstand my bids. Most are ignorant about what they mean, while others are guilty of making lazy but incorrect interpretations. Yet that's nothing compared to my opponents - the cheating dogs, who without a doubt need a right good bollocking ". Instead, if well-versed in PC lingo , one should say : " Satisfaction depreviation overwhems me. My partners' personalised interpretations of my bids suggest that some are factually unencumbered with my system card, while others are prone to motivational dispossessions, which may lead them to make alternative, logically dysfunctional interpretations. Moreover, opponents who enter into co-operative assignments, displaying ethically disorientated tactics, deserve all the self-esteem reduction responses that come their way".
Mark my words.....unless this threat is nipped in the bud, conversation at bridge clubs will never be the same again. Eventually, a few years down the line, members will either be saying nothing to each other in fear of breaching PC guidelines, or speaking to one another in a language that is completely double-dutch.....or should I say " the Netherlands revisited ".
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