BRIDGE PARTNERS : LIST THEIR CRIMES ON THEIR VERY OWN CRIME SHEETS..........( A revolutionary idea by Howard Bigot-Johnson ......but one which was totally inspired by the ROAD TRAFFIC ACT ) All too often we play with partners who are oblivious to their mistakes and failings. As reasonable people we refrain from lambasting these poor souls at the table for fear of damaging their already fragile egos. Moreover, letting rip at partners can also be a distressing experience for opponents, who might have sensitive ears and/or dispositions. How much better would it be to keep a log of partner's misdemeanours on a crime sheet, which you can hand over to him/her at the end of the session. This sheet will list every crime committed at the table, along with all the frequencies. This will enable your partners to leave the club totally unscathed. Moreover, it will be in the comfort of their homes, when they can get down to the job of absorbing and acknowledging the weaknesses in their game. They can take all the time they need, and hopefully with their therapists in attendance. So let's look at page 1 of a specimen copy ( other pages will appear in later posts ), which outline all the crimes that could well be committed by partner during the bidding stages:

• Lurking with intent
• Giving false and misleading descriptions
• Inadequate braking system : failing to stop when required
• Ignoring warning signs
• Bidding on a convention card without a valid test certificate
• Failing to display "L" plates ( if still a learner )
• Failing to follow the system directions
• Forgetting to use conventions
• Improper use of conventions
• Causing irreparable damage ( to your partner's reputation )
• Failing to double
• Pushing on instead of doubling
• Not adhering to the law of total tricks
• Failing to look both ways before proceeding on
• Speeding ahead
• Bidding on without due care and attention
• Reckless bidding
• Causing near death ( of partner ) through dangerous bidding
• Taking wrong turns
• Making wrong calls
• Failing to use hand signals ( in emergencies )
• Using poor judgement
• Entering an auction without a licence to do so
• Bidding when in no fit state of mind

Believe you me this idea has a lot going for it. It will take you just a few seconds to tick the offence with a note of the board number.......but partner will need hours to undertake a self-critical analysis, provided a hand record sheet is also made available to him/her at the end of the session. This initiative really needs to be taken seriuously if you want your partners to develop their game to the level of perfection that meets with your approval.