( Having walked out on his wife in 2002, Bigot-Johnson finally decided to report her to the police after several incidents at his local bridge club, where she inflicted upon him her devastating brand of retributive justice. She was therefore brought before a Crown court judge to face some very serious criminal charges. A very brief snippet from the trial's transcript appears below. )
Judge : Well, Bigot ....as the victim of her brutality, I see that you are the main prosecution witness
B-J : Yes...that is correct
Judge : And I take it that your separation was very a acrimonious one ?
B-J : That's an understatement..................the woman is still spitting feathers.........determined as ever to make my life hell
Judge : Well I must say.....she's a hefty looking woman alright.........someone who really knows how to handle herself in a scrap.....why just look at the size of her fists.......they're like boulders !
B-J : Oh yes.....she's a brute alright
Judge : And so you are alleging that whenever your paths crossed .... as they often did.......at your local bridge club , she would set about you in no uncertain terms.....and give you a damn good beating ?
B-J : Yes...yes....that's exactly right
Judge : So...just how often did she beat you ?
B-J : Every.......sodding.........time
Judge : You poor man.......I can see how that must have really hurt you........
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