1. He spends more time in the tank drowning than he ever does thinking
2. He keeps closing and re-fanning his cards to constantly remind himself what's left in his hand
3. Scores of around 50% make him very happy
4. His convention card has remained almost the same as the one he drew up 10 years ago
5. Forever looking across to you for inspiration
6. He plays the cards more in hope than expectation
7. Sighs of relief if he brings a contract in get longer and heavier
8. He asks you to revert to HELD signals and discards
9. He revokes on an opponent's lead of a diamond, holding seven in that suit
10. He starts passing your splinter bids
11. His " pass " card comes out more often than ever before
12. He mumbles " ip dip dip my blue ship " under his breath before deciding on which card to play next
13. Aces are led out for want of anything better
14. Guesswork takes over from logical and reasoned thinking
15. He stops asking opponents questions for fear of being confused by their answers
16. Vision is replaced by blind hope
17. Magical thinking starts creeping into his game
18. He asks the opponent to ask your partner what he meant by that bid
19. He lets you bid no trumps first so that you end up as declarer
20. He takes up teaching bridge to beginners
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