( Bigot-Johnson has always received the contempt of others throughout his whole life . Sixty odd years of abject under-achievement and misery. A lonely existence in which he has never had any real friends, only long lists of sworn enemies. However, despite a history of amazing antics in court, it was only a matter of time before a contempt of court charge was destined to come his way. And so it came as no surprise when he was brought back to face the judge who had sent him down to the cells for his appalling language and behaviour in court . A short extract from this hearing appears below.)
Judge : I have never in all my years witnessed court room behaviour like that....you are a vulgar, arrogant and obnoxious individual....
B-J : I object strongly to those words.....
Judge : But you do you recall the abuse I received when I upheld the decision in favour of the Cardinals' Bridge Club to revoke your membership......forever
B-J : Yes... but I thought we had a deal...
Judge : Are you insinuating I would pervert the course of justice for money ?
B-J : Yes....
Judge : Well, the money I received in a brown paper envelope....had no message inside.... and so I passed it onto a worthy charity
B-J : I object.....if you didn't want that money then it should have been returned to me.......surely you acknowledge there must be honour amongst thieves ?
Judge : There you go again......and from now on you will be address me as " your honour "
B-J : So sorry.... and of course I would like to say that I have always had the greatest respect for your honour.......but that doesn't debar me from challenging this ludicrous contempt of court charge ?
Judge : Might I remind you that ....because I am the one who is making the charge......it is obviously clear ....right from the outset.... that you are as guilty as hell
B-J : I object.....If you are my prosecutor then you can't be my judge.....and I would also like to add that just because I assured your honour you were someone I held in great respect.....that did not necessarily include my affection......
Judge : Excuse me.....but where is this all leading to ? Please get to the point .....
B-J : Contempt of court reflects an absence of respect for your honour.....not affection..... and although you had my respect, I felt it was necessary to let you know how much you upset me...... my growing dislike for you......and how you were beginning to get on my wick .......
Judge : Well, sadly for you.... no one in a courtroom is allowed to express their twisted, warped and negative emotions.....except for me....... as permitted by the rules of qualified privilege. So once again I am using this privilege to say what I really feel about you, which means that the three words I had used to describe you earlier on........ might well now be perceived as complimentary
B-J : I object.....those words you used to defame my good character clearly suggest to me that any judgement you intend to make will to be laced with prejudice and bias...
Judge : Bigot-Johnson....you are the most objectionable human being I have ever had the gross misfortune to encounter..... consequently I'm sending you down for 3 months...
B-J : I object....that means I going to miss out on next weeks' big pairs competition
Judge : No...make that 4 months....
B-J : Bugger
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