THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY..........

• Rescue  - an act occasionally carried out by concerned onlookers ,  who feel duty bound to protect a fellow member from his/her physically aggressive partner
• Ist position - the place where fat obnoxious players set out to occupy, when forming a  queue for the mid-interval buffet 
• 2nd position - the place where one expects to find the pot-bellied partner of the guy in front 
• Open pairs - an event which requires all well endowed  women to turn up in low slung dresses with plunging neck-lines 
• Double jump -  an unexpected bonus when teaming up with a more than willing partner
• First round - what the members of a winning team expect their captain to buy
• Bridge World - a strange and mysterious place full of geeks , social misfits and grumpy old people
• Dealer - one who  is renown for " pushing " , " sniffing " , and enjoying a " bit of crack "
• Turn - what mardy players tend to do when things go wrong
• Individual movement - a tragic consequence of being an incontinent bridge player