THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY.......

• Seat - the target area of a well aimed kick ,  demonstrating to great effect the extreme disapproval of partner's play 
• Pack - a term used to describe predatory players of an unforgiving nature , who team up together in pursuit of easy prey
• Cross - what one has to bear when required to partner a numpty
• Enter ( dummy ) - to have it off with a life-size inflatable bridge player
• Force - what a fat bastard uses to get to the front of the buffet queue
• Go down - a term used in conjunction with " on one's knees "  to beg forgiveness for being so inept at bridge
• Open room - the place where one is most likely to find players bidding and making cold contracts
• Closed room - the place where the elite like to play to the exclusion of the riff raff
• Kick back - what any sensible red blooded player will do when provoked by an opponent
• Re-entry - a common occurrence when players are ( a) easily aroused , ( b) keen to score again ,  and ( c) blessed with unbelievable stamina  
• Unmakeable - a term used to label an attractive young female player , who has no interest whatsoever in sex. Other adjectives  often used to describe such a cold fish include impenetrable , inscrutable and insurmountable
• Deuce - a useless card destined never to make a trick . The term was originally used in 1936  by a visiting french bridge player to Stockport BC,  who on being dealt one hand after another with loads of twos screamed out " what the deuce is going on ? "  . This rhetorical question was purely aimed at conveying his extreme displeasure over picking up such lowly cards.