( The Mafia-styled committee had just moved onto the several disciplinary cases listed 4-13 on the agenda , when loud banging noises could be heard from outside. Ronnie immediately got up from his chair to peer through a dirty upstairs window. )
Ronnie : Bigot....there's a woman out there gesticulating that she can't get in.....
B-J : Not surprising.....I've locked all the doors....
Ronnie : Why....it's Candide Twelvetrees....and she's the one who's first up on the list to attend these disciplinary hearings.....
Bigot : Trust her to turn up .....that woman is barking made......anyway, we don't require her input ....and so let's crack on....
( Several minutes later Candide enters the room in a rather dishevelled state , having shimmied up the drainpipe, removed a few roof tiles and entered the building through the loft space )
Candide : I want to protest.....I have a right to enter this club and be present at my disciplinary hearing
B-J : Ronnie.....call the police and have this trespasser removed from the premises...
Candide : You can't.....I'm a fully paid up member of this club
B-J : You were until a few minutes ago .....when the committee unanimously decided to ban you for life
Candide : On what grounds ?
B-J : Firstly....by failing to attend this disciplinary hearing that you called for....
Candide : But the doors were locked...
B-J : No excuse....and secondly, by failing to notify the committee about your absence...
Candide : But I tried to gesture to Ronnie that I was unable to get in.....
B-J : Might I remind you that....notification has to be either in writing or by telephone.....the regulations are quite clear about this....they do not permit the use of gestures
Candide : What !
B-J : And now that you have entered the club like a common criminal , causing damage no doubt to the property in the process.....such disgraceful behaviour like this only serves to endorse and justify the committee's decision to terminate your membership...
Candide : This is an outrage.....
B-J : Listen Twelvetrees you are the biggest sap I know ...who has failed to twig onto the fact we don't want you in this club........your face doesn't fit.......you need to branch out and take up a new pastime.....like origami or crocheting......ah.....I hear the police cars arriving....thank God for that...........Ronnie take Candide downstairs and have her cuffed......
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