A RECENTLY RECORDED CONVERSATION AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE BRIDGE CLUB.......

Club member (CM) : Bigot ....I wish to make a complaint

B-J : About what ?

CM : Rude behaviour...

B-J : It's the norm....

CM : But that's  what the complaint is about !

B-J : Listen you ignoramus....if rude behaviour is the norm  ,  then what on earth can you be complaining about ......because the reality is this.... complaints are only valid when something adverse  happens out of the ordinary......

CM : But rude behaviour is out of the ordinary...

B-J : Not at this club it isn't.... you see.... the majority members believe in freedom of speech , witty sarcasm , tit-for-tat banter , hard-hitting home truths and the joy that comes from nurturing sado-masochistic partnerships

CM : Nevertheless .....despite your pathetic defence for such behaviour.....I still want to put in a complaint

B-J : No point......because if the committee cracked down on rude behaviour ....... only to sling out all those found guilty of it......the club would end up having only one member left on the books.....namely you

CM : Well, in that case I will be  sending in my letter of resignation tomorrow.....

B-J : Madam, with an attitude like that you can sod off now.... and take your prudish, holier than thou moral values with you....

CM : Why ....you arrogant , obnoxious, pig-headed , foul-mouthed , evil-minded monster

B-J : Hey...you're getting into the true spirit of this place after all.....why I'm even beginning to warm towards you this very second ....

CM : Too late.....and by the way ....that desperately needed £50,000......which I promised to loan the club......well, guess you can kiss that goodbye instead of my arse

B-J : Bugger....