THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED.......

• Farmer  : the name given to a mediocre player who is only outstanding in a very small uncultivated field
• Post mortem : an exchange of words between players with diametrically opposed views , with each one utterly convinced that he or she is right
• Experience : the ability to repeat one's mistakes at the table with ever increasing confidence
• Saturday night duplicate : the non-event of the week when only the desperate , who have no other life outside bridge , turn up to play
• Precision ( bidding ) : a highly sophisticated system of guesswork
• Re-enactment : a re-run of a terrible crime committed at the bridge table to help jog the memories of those who were present in the room at the time 
• Movement : the abrupt rise-and-fall manner in which a bridgemate might be moved across the table , without the registered keeper's permission  
• Misfit : a term given to the type of social inadequate who turns to bridge as his only means of partnering a member of the opposite sex
• Motion : what is introduced by members attending an AGM ,  requiring of course a great deal of effort to push it through
• Limit raise : the inevitable consequence of old age and lack of Viagra
• Shyster : a politically incorrect term given to a player whose ability to get tops through dodgy bids and rather dubious , underhand , tactics has reached a professional level
• Committee : a group of people who take minutes and waste hours
• Club experts : players who have never really mastered the  game as evidenced by their perennial lack of success , but nevertheless still feel qualified to tell others what to do